PPIE contributors create I Poems

I’m 67
I’ll be 68 in August

I’ve had a varied career
I worked in fashion showrooms
I worked in advertising

I live on my own
I’m fine
I cope
I’m more aware of to try not to fall over
I’m more conscious

I suffer from anxiety
I’m on tablets
I sort of think too much

I suppose it’s the unknown

I was only taking tablets at night
I could take one in the morning as well

I worked through it all

I had the accident, broke the hip and the femur
I was in the hospital in 21.
I had BIF
If I didn’t go in, then
I wouldn’t have found out.
I wouldn’t have known

I skidded on wet leaves, went up in the air.
I didn’t know if I’d broken anything,
I was in pain

The physical ailments don’t really hold me back.
I had all the tests, scans, x-rays.
I’ve seen marvellous painkillers

I’ve got them in a little bag,
What else am I on?
I’m on something else as well.

I’m saying, with the physical conditions,
I’ve got certain things,
I can’t do anymore,

Once I’m there or
I’ve met the person,
I’m fine.
I do yoga as well,
I try some of the breathing.

I have to go there for my injections for the osteoporosis.
I have to have every six months

I trust.
I’m not one of those people.
I mean there is a reason why
I’m there.

I had a lung operation

I needed the physio
I couldn’t get in and out of bath.
I could probably get in it,
I wouldn’t be getting out of it.

I was walking like a duck.
I thought,
I’m not going to end up like this.
I was determined to straighten my feet,

I’d worked in health care,
I see too many people give up.
I’d seen too many give up,

I’ve always been active.
I was always an active person.
I’ve got my garden
I do most of my reading and gardening.
I do.

Definitely, like I said
I get out of the door
I’m out
I’m with people.

they said I had to have this operation,
every healthcare person I see
asking me about when I get breathless,
do I have to sit down?

I was like,
I don’t get out of breath.
I was like,
‘I don’t get out of breath.’

I spoke to the doctor
I said, have you got the right patient?
Because I do not get out of breath.

I said, yes. So it was a bit questionable.
I’ve asked,
what form of COPD do I have?
I did ask a doctor,
I didn’t know them.
I just want to know what form

I just get my pension
And I know how to budget
I just sort of carry on as normal.
I don’t get any help, it’s not offered.
Then again, do I need it?

Like I said, within the home, doing certain things.
I’d like to have a cleaner.
I have a lot
I’m fine

• Voice of independence: “I live on my own / I’m fine / I cope.” – a determination to manage alone.
• Voice of vigilance: “I’m more aware… not to fall over / I’m more conscious.” – bodily fragility and vigilance.
• Voice of anxiety: “I suffer from anxiety / I sort of think too much.” – anxiety and uncertainty surface.
• Voice of medication reliance: “I’m on tablets / I could take one in the morning as well.” – a reflection on medication reliance.
• Tension: Independence vs reliance on medication; resilience vs vulnerability.

• Voice of accident and shock: “I skidded on wet leaves / I didn’t know if I’d broken anything” — sudden disruption.
• Voice of discovery: “If I didn’t go in, then I wouldn’t have found out” — hospitalisation as revelation on own health.
• Voice of endurance: “The physical ailments don’t really hold me back” — minimising limitations.
• Voice of medical encounter: “I had all the tests, scans, x-rays” — immersed in healthcare processes.
• Tension: Sudden fragility vs minimising it’s impact

• Voice of uncertainty: “What else am I on? / I’m on something else as well” — confusion about medication.
• Voice of limitation: “I can’t do anymore” — acknowledging physical restrictions.
• Voice of coping: “Once I’m there… I’m fine / I do yoga / I try some of the breathing” — strategies for wellbeing.
• Voice of trust: “I trust / I mean there is a reason why I’m there” — faith in medical care.
• Tension: Confusion about health vs faith in medical care

• Voice of determination: “I thought, I’m not going to end up like this / I was determined to straighten my feet” — refusal to give up.
• Voice of professional witness: “I’d worked in health care / I see too many people give up” — perspective shaped by past work.
• Voice of activity: “I’ve always been active / I’ve got my garden” — identity rooted in movement and productivity.
• Voice of struggle: “I couldn’t get in and out of bath / I was walking like a duck” — vivid bodily imagery of limitation.
• Tension: Bodily limitation vs refusal to surrender identity as inactive

• Voice of sociability: “I get out of the door / I’m out / I’m with people” — connection as strength.
• Voice of questioning: “Have you got the right patient? / I don’t get out of breath” — challenging medical authority.
• Voice of independence: “I just sort of carry on as normal / I don’t get any help” — self-sufficiency.
• Voice of desire: “I’d like to have a cleaner” — small wish for support, but framed against independence.
• Voice of financial pragmatism: “I just get my pension / I know how to budget” — practical management of life.
• Tension: Independence vs small wishes for help; challenging medical narratives vs asserting her own

Repetition of action-oriented statements

• “I’m proactive” – repeated three times
• “I knew I needed to get help”
• “I had to find another route”
• “I didn’t give up”
• “I had to do something”

demonstrate the participant’s desire to position themselves as a person that asserts control within their own life, taking responsibility and maintaining the ability to make their own decisions with insight and competency.

The participant returns to vivid descriptions of the body as a site of pain

• Hips, spine, knees
• Spasms
• Respiratory illness
• Chronic sleep disorder
• COVID
• Toxic shock

This is described as an accumulation of pain rather than that which is caused by a single event, as such, the trajectory of increased physical pain is well documented. Pain is not episodic – it is on-going and to be endured.

The body is also described in relation to the inadequacies of systems of care

• Operation without pain relief
• Wrong medication
• ‘gaslighting’
• Being in the ‘wrong place’

The body is both a site of suffering and a site of institutional failure.

The childhood sexual abuse features relatively briefly, yet it’s wording and placement are significant

• “I think it altered the trajectory of things”

The language used in this statement is unemotional with no elaboration for the listener. This restraint suggests an experience that is contained, managed but unresolved. It functions as a background explanatory voice, shaping future experiences of mental ill-health, addiction and mistrust of health and welfare systems.

The understatement here contrasts sharply with the intensity demonstrated elsewhere, indicating a voice that has learned to minimise trauma to remain functional.

Recovery is framed as both identity and moral achievement. The tone shifts to pride whenever recovery is mentioned.

• “I consider myself a person that’s in recovery”
• “I don’t have any intention to relapse”
• “I wouldn’t have had the knowledge if I was still drinking”

Sobriety is directly linked to clarity, survival and agency. The participant positions recovery as what enabled them to challenge medical authority, recognize harm and stay alive.

This provides a contrast to the past self and present self. The past self is a person who

• “would have just drunk”

to the present self who advocates

• “I’m the patient”

and challenges medical authority

• “I don’t think they were fully equipped”

The voice becomes much sharper and confrontational with a clear tonal shift when describing mental health and welfare systems

• “I was actually gaslighted”
• “I threatened to sue”
• “Who do I sue?”
• “I don’t think it’s just me”

Here the participant moves from personal grievances to systemic observation becoming a collective witness. The participant positions themselves as a person who is ‘trained’ and has seen it from ‘both sides’ giving legitimacy and re-enforcing insight to those statements.

Anger is present but controlled; it fuels action, not collapse.

The participants’s voice changes as it moves to AI, marking another distinct tonal shift, becoming curious, hopeful and forward-looking.

• “I love learning”
• “I’m very curious”
• “I wanted to know”
• “I used myself as a guinea pig”

AI is not framed as replacement for human care, earlier the participant positions themselves as a person who tries to ‘have a good rapport’ with people, but as

• support in isolation
• a way to regain agency
• a way of meaning-making and documentation

This is especially powerful within the context of past institutional failure. AI becomes a non-gaslighting support tool that aligns with the participant’s identity as technological, reflective and proactive.